WANG LI - PART III
Mary and I have so much material about Wang Li that I find it very difficult to condense into three small articles. We hope our readers can get a feel for the life and thoughts of a young Chinese women born during the throes of the Cultural Revolution, torn from her very poor rural family at the age of nine and sent into a big metropolis to live with strangers, and all of this because she was found to be a very bright student. Her father had directed that it be so.
A paper she wrote for my class entitled “Have I Really Lost Something?” further demonstrates Li’s shy and lonely nature. In it she describes how she met a graduate student at a party and found that they could freely talk to each other. They were from the same home area. She was able to tell all the things on her mind. She had a tacit understanding with him but there was one fact they couldn’t avoid. He was married. Li writes, “He couldn’t be mine and I couldn’t be his – ever. For he has his own family obligation, husband of his wife, father of his 3 year old daughter. He married her because he had promised her dying father to take care of her and I could tell that they were not matched.”
Later that evening, they went for a walk. They stopped at an open space among some trees, where she could see the shadows made by the moonlight. “Surprisingly, it was in a sudden that I was in his arms, and I was kissed, kissed for the first time. I struggled violently in my mind and felt immediately guilty that I had hurt another woman.”
After several furtive meetings and knowing that he had drunk wine before he had seen her, she decided with a heavy heart, that they had to be realistic and he had to fulfill his obligation as a good husband and good father, as well as one of the government functionaries.
She writes, “I think I’ve walked out of the dilemma and become realistic. How about him? I don’t know, but I hope that he will, too.”
In another paper on the Woman’s Role in China, she describes the woman’s role in old China before liberation (October l, l949). She wrote: “ ‘ Ignorance is girl’s virtue’ was a motto for women. Women’s life duty was to be a good wife and mother. Parents chose a husband for their grown-up girls. She had to obey. The family was not so happy when a girl was born. From today’s view, women led an abominable life.” Li described how her grandmother’s feet were tightly wrapped when she was only six years old. Her feet were shaped into little pair of fists, the instep arching strongly and the toes tucked to the underside of the arch.
Li went on to write that women in the 1980’s live in much better conditions. “Sometimes they can almost be equal to men. But we couldn’t say women are liberated absolutely. People still hold bias against women. Although forbidden by law, some in the countryside sell and buy girls. For many, boys are more capable than girls, “
In December, l989, Wang Li was told by the University that upon graduation in the spring, she would be sent to the countryside as a High School English teacher. Her ambition had been to be one of the favored few who would remain at Southwestern Teachers University, obtain a Master’s Degree and become a university professor.
All the accumulation of her pain, suffering, sorrow and disappointment led her to write a suicide note and leave it in her dormitory room. She disappeared from the campus into the town of BeiBei, among some 400,000 people. She knew that she had no Guanxi (political and social influence) and she was determined to do like YinYin, the young lady of the story in Part II.
Luckily , one of her roommates discovered the suicide note, alerted the entire class and scattered out in BeiBei in search of her. They found her near a drugstore where she had purchased poison but had not taken any. Her classmates took her back to her dorm, notified the authorities, and two days later, her parents took her home.
I quote from a paper from one of her roommates entitled The Warmth We Need. “At the night before Li left, we held a small party for her. We said a lot of words to console her parents. We sang a lot of songs to delight her. Although Li was very happy, the unnatural expression of her eyes told us that she was hurt deeply. It is difficult for her to recover completely. Why did she reach such a step?
We feel very guilty because we gave her little care at daily life. Li liked to keep silent. No one of us actively talked to her. Li didn’t like to take part in all sorts of activities. No one of us went to persuade her. She didn’t get friendship and warmth from her classmates. From her family, she didn’t, too. Because her parents were busy with their jobs, they had no time to care about her. So she felt the whole world is cold. She lost interest to life.
Such example, there are a lot in our life, although a human being is individual, he lives in a collection. He needs help and care from the collection because he hasn’t ability to overcome difficulties by himself. Therefore warmth from each other is very important. Warmth is like the sunlight in Spring; it melts the cold snow in one’s heart. Warmth is like the clear creek in Summer, it saves one’s thirsty heart. Warmth is like the wind in Autumn, it brings people the golden joy. Warmth is also like the fireplace in Winter, it warms the traveler’s body. Everyone who has gotten warmth from others has such experiences. Why don’t we give warmth to others, and let our world become a warm world.” A very subdued Wang Li returned to the campus in February, l990. She was allowed to take the missed exams, write a senior thesis on Ernest Hemingway and graduate with her class. She was the top student in my class of 20 English majors. Approximately 60 English majors graduated that year.
The University informed Li that she would be allowed to stay as a Master’s candidate and specialize in Linguistics. In a Christmas letter dated December 11, l99l, she wrote that she would write a “great final paper for the Masters” and planned to graduate in the spring. “May you happy on Christmas Day and in the coming year. My warmest regards for you and your family, and for all your friends.”
- Percy